Cum-Swapping: A Legal Mess
Consider “cum-swapping” for a second. Two women, with whom you’ve just had your way sexually, take your ejaculate and spit it back and forth. Now that’s adult entertainment at its finest: 
Two women, one guy, and his sperm savored like fine beluga caviar. But I did a little sleuthing and before you go out and corral your regular stable for a little intro course, consider the following:
About six years ago two physicians in Illinois had an affair that ended when the female physician (Sharon Irons) found out that her lover, Dr. Richard Phillips, was actually married, not divorced as he had told her. Typical. During their four-month affair they never had intercourse. However, they did have oral sex and the woman, Dr. Irons, squirrelled away some of Dr. Phillips’ sperm in her cheek like a chipmunk and later used it to impregnate herself. (Note to self: don’t allow my female physician to blow me during my annual check-ups.)
But hold on, it gets weirder. Dr. Irons successfully sued Dr. Phillips (that’s Dick to you!) for child support. What was Dr. Dick’s response? Countersuit for emotional distress, fraud and theft. Theft of his sperm, that is. After six years of legal wrangling, an Illinois appeals court ruled on the case in February and the upshot is as follows: Dr. Dick scored a few points when the appeals court reinstated the lower court’s ruling that Dr. Irons “deceitfully engaged in sexual acts, which no reasonable person would expect could result in pregnancy, to use plaintiff’s sperm in an unorthodox, unanticipated manner yielding extreme consequences.” But the appeals court also ruled that when “plaintiff ‘delivered’ his sperm, it was a gift — an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee,” the decision said. “There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request.” If this wasn’t so pathetic, I would have a good chuckle over it. In other words, on those cum-swapping videos, that’s transfer of title to property going back and forth, slurped to and fro. Does anyone out there still think that sex with women outside of legal prostitution makes sense? You can’t even get a blow job anymore without fear of being hit up for child support.
