Weekly Screws in the News
Earlier this week we posted Weekly Boobs in the News. We feel that this title misrepresents the full spectrum of true sexual moronicy we seek to portray. So now we are going by Screws in the News . . . until we change our minds again. Deal.
It is easy to get your rocks off on the Scarlett Johansson and acclaimed fetish model Dita Von Teese photo shoot from Flaunt magazine. If sexy Scarlett isn’t your thing you either need Firmdose (now available in the U.S.), or you saw Tara Reid’s breasts post/pre surgery . . .
Or maybe you caught the sneak peak of the porn Screeched, where Screech, the former Saved by the Bell star, appears to be bragging about performing a Dirty Sanchez. Maybe a TILF got a hold of little Screech to make him such a perv, after all the teachers seducing male student stories just keep getting published, keeping pre-pubescent boys everywhere dreaming.
Should you need legal counsel for stalking celebrities, TILFs, or having your dildo mistaken for a weapon, or you get identified as the one pulling Mini Mouse back into the Disney Land Orgy, may we recommend soon-to-be former prosecutor Scott Blauvelt, who prefers the naked word of the law. Perhaps Blauvelt was researching Fox News’ marriage advice to never argue with your clothes on.
In other crime news, prostitution is on the rise in New Orleans and getting busted in Washington, DC. A new level of indecency had been recognized in a bra’s ability to cause auto accidents. But the good news is that you can now protest all these things topless, at least in Florida.
Should you be sent to prison in Texas you needn’t worry about missing the pink; worry about getting dressed up in it. Sex is still possible behind bars, as a female Vietnamese prisoner who has been in solitary confinement over a year and pronounced pregnant, proves. Of course it could be Immaculate Conception . . .
Speaking of Immaculate, some say that God hates bloggers (and here we thought we were trouble for all the T & A). To disprove the God hates bloggers theory, we would like to display the Big Man’s obvious sense of humor as he gaveth us thingeths such as: Israeli girls gone wild, Biblical procreation music, and a couple having sex in a Mosque.
Well, if God does hate us, at least we know we’ll live a long time if we keep on living like Cubans.
